As a child and as a classically trained violinist, I learned early on that the best way to be successful is to rely on myself and only myself. If I put in dedication, with my smarts, I always succeeded. As I became an adult, I learned that the population norm has lower expectations than I do. Fiercely independent, I have faith in myself that I will always be “all right” under any circumstances. I don’t easily buckle; I am antifragile and can appear to be amorphous from a traditional perspective.
Yet, I did not know the opportunity cost of being fiercely independent is that I don’t faith in others- people, things or religion. I am a pragmatist with a heart that desires to be an idealist. Having faith – or having blind faith is what has eluded me.
As I closed out the year at work last Friday, inevitably I did an internal evaluation. I looked back at my professional life in 2016 and saw how much I did this year… CMS implementation, site redesign, media spend attribution model, team reorganization, big data migration, and setting up infrastructure for the digital emerging technology. I realized that I must have had some faith. I pushed hard on my team and my colleagues and raised the bar on everyone. I must have believed and they delivered. Isn’t that faith?
I also looked back at my personal life and realized that it is fuller than it had been in the past ten years. I now have a bigger circle of friends who care and love me. Through hardship in the past two years, I saw who were there for me when things were in the dumps and said goodbye to those who weren’t. Years of relationships with people often means nothing in the time of war. This journey to trusting people other than myself is buried in landmines. My glass was half empty.
As I depart tonight flying to my mecca to begin some soul searching and reconnecting to Taiwan, my heart is full, filling with emotions that I cannot describe. I toggle between two worlds; one with faith and one without. I recently remarked that my glass is now sometimes half full and got yelled back, “THE GLASS IS FULL!” Lovingly, I want to remember the lesson in 2016 and teach myself that I, too, can have faith.
Cheers to a new year and to having blind faith in life. LOVE To ALL.